


Remember When You Told Me You Were In Love With Me?

by DebsterClintashaLove



Category: Dexter (TV)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Feels, First Date, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Hospitalization, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Lost Love, One True Pairing, Oral Sex, Sex, Sexual Content, Swearing, True Love, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-04
Updated: 2013-07-06
Packaged: 2017-12-17 15:58:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/869333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DebsterClintashaLove/pseuds/DebsterClintashaLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They've loved, they've lost, and now, they've forgiven. Dexter and Debra have moved on from their awful past, best they can, and forgiven each other. Dexter has fallen deep for Debra, and her feelings toward Dexter have never died down, but are stronger than ever. They're finally together and kind of happy. Dexter wants Debra to forget her demons and terrible memories. He also wants her to forget she ever saw his other side so they can live happy, so he forces her to undergo Electro Convoulsive Therapy by Dr. Evelyn Vogel. The procedure doesn't go as planned and Debra loses more than what Dexter bargained for. She's loses all memory of Brian trying to kill her, Lundy's shooting, Dexter being a serial killer, her shooting Laguerta, Dexter killing Briggs, the car crash, and she forgets she was ever in love with him. He now knows how it feels to be in love and never wants to let it go, so he has to try to make Debra remember her feelings for him go beyond the brother-sister love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Hate You

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter is taking place when they first realize they're in love, which is when Debra tries to kill herself and Dexter by crashing their car in the fourth episode.

"Oh my god, Dex!" I screamed out, tears streaming down my face, as I lunged myself at him. I clung onto him for dear life, as I almost lost him again, but this time by my own hand. I tried to kill us both when I forced the car into the deep pond. I tried to kill him, and I was the one to save him, breathing life back into him.   
"Deb, take it easy, I'm alright." he smiled back reassuringly. I pulled away to look into his eyes, still resting my hands on his shoulders.   
"Dexter, you almost lost your life, because of me. How the fuck are you so forgiving?"   
He stared back into my eyes, bringing a hand to stroke to fresh cut across my cheek.   
"Deb, I put you through your own personal hell. I get why you did it. You are pissed, angry at me. I understand, but you're still my sister. That doesn't change anything. I still care about you more than anyone else in the world."    
"Was pissed at you." I replied back, softly.   
"Was-" I pressed my lips to his in a sweet kiss. His lips were soft and blissful. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and his limp arms moved from his side to slowly pull me into his lap. He pulled away slowly to look back at me, and I was wishing he hadn't because all I wanted was his lips back on mine. "Deb, we can't."    
"Why the fuck not? Dex," I sighed sadly, "look, I'm done with this avoiding you bullshit. I want you. Those feelings for you never died, no matter how much of a bitch I was to you, they never left. Inside, I feel like a monster. I look at you, and I see the good in you, and I see that I'm the fuck up. I feel...better around you. The moment you killed Briggs and told me I didn't belong with him, that's when those feelings completely took over. In that moment, I couldn't remember why the fuck I pushed you away for so long."    
"But...I don't know what it feels like to be in love. This 'thing' inside me doesn't allow me to feel so deeply like you. I'm sorry." I sighed again, feeling the tears well up in my eyes, but I just clung to him tighter, not letting go. I lifted my hand to stroke his cheek.   
"How did you feel when I was with Briggs?" I asked, as I saw a fire fuel in his eyes, almost like it was his hatred for Briggs.    
"I wanted...I wanted to fucking kill him. Seeing him with you, when you deserve more than a low-down, jewelry fence. I wanted to take a knife to his heart the minute I saw him touch you the way he did, like he owned you. I didn't want to see any man touch you like that ever again." he whispered, his eyes beginning to water. I felt my heart stop. Just to know there was actually a man that cared so deeply about me, so deeply as to want to kill any man he saw with me that wasn't him.   
"Is that the way you felt about Brian, Lundy, Anton, and Quinn?" I whispered, leaning in closer until our lips were only inches apart. "Would you have killed any motherfucker that wasn't you, holding and touching me like they did?" He slid a hand into my hand, wrapping the other tightly around my waist.   
"Yes, I would do anything for you." he said, softly yet darkly seductive, pulling my mouth down to his. I could taste his need and his want, all in that one kiss. I kissed him back, just as hungry for the desire, taking in that moment. We pulled away, a moan escaping my lips, leaning our heads together.   
"Dexter, I know we're all fucked up, and I've put you through hell, but I need you. I really fucking need you and want you." He looked back into my eyes, pressing a soft kiss to my lips.   
"Deb, I love you." I felt my heart skip a beat, hearing those words from him. He actually said it, and I didn't even have to say it first.   
"I love you." I smiled at him, hugging him tighter, resting my head on his shoulder. "Are we really this fucked up?" He laughed, stroking my back lightly.   
"How should I know? I've been fucked up my entire life. This is normal to me." I let out a little chuckle. No one but us would ever understand that.


	2. I Want You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ********** means POV change from Debra to Dexter, then from Dexter to Debra on the second **********

Everything is actually going really well in my life for once. It almost feels to good to be true. I'm not in some shitty, fucking hell like I thought I deserved. I'm in my own 'perfect' kind of world. Whatever the fuck perfect is to me.   
"Are you back at Metro for good now?" Dexter asked me as we sat on the couch in my living room. I sat there, trying to even figure that out for myself. I left Elway Investigations so I could be closer to Dex, and the people I could call family. If they only knew that I was the motherfucker that killed Laguerta and not Estrada, they would never look at me the same. I bit down on my lip, trying to hold back the tears.  
"Deb, what is it?" he said, worriedly, reaching a hand out to rest on my thigh. I put my hand over his, stroking my thumb along the top of his hand. He was the only person left who'd ever accept me, no matter what I do. "Deb."  
"Fuck, Dex, you know if anyone at Metro found out that I was the one who shot Laguerta, they'd fucking hate me. They'd never want a damn thing to do with me ever again. They'd be so fucking disgusted and wonder, 'Why did Laguerta have to die? How come it couldn't have been y.." I was sobbing so loudly now, the tears running down my face, I couldn't finish what I had to say. He was pulling me into his arms at that point, hugging me from behind. I turned myself, crying into his chest, gripping the fabric of his button-up so tight, I'm sure at some point, it would rip. He pressed a kiss to my head, trying to calm me down, rough yet gentle hands stroking my back.   
"Deb, no one is going to ever find out that it was you. I'll be damn well sure of it. I will take the fall for you-"  
"Fuck you!" I looked up swiftly at him, yelling sadly. "You will not take any damn fall for me! You may have dragged me into your shit, no problem, but I'm not going to do that to you! I'll fucking take responsibility for my own-"  
"Drug you into my shit, no problem?" he stopped me, furiously, pulling away from me, "Deb, I didn't want you apart of any of my other life. I did everything to keep you from having to deal with it! I never wanted you to see me do what I do! You act like I wanted you to walk into the church that night and see it all, but I didn't! I can't believe you actually think I wanted this for you!" He pushed away, lightly, getting up off the couch and walking toward the door.  
"Then why the fuck would you do it at the church I told you to do a fucking final forensics sweep on?! Weren't you smart enough to think that I could've walked in for any reason?! No, so clearly, you weren't worried about getting your ass arrested!" I followed, further behind, yelling at him. He scoffed and turned back around, facing me.  
"That doesn't fucking mean I wanted you part of this! I care about you, and no, I didn't want you to know anything about this 'thing' inside me! I wanted us to stay the way we were, because you are the only good thing about me! You wouldn't having arrested me anyway, because you love me too much to do that." I smirked evilly back at him, walking closer until I was in his face.   
"You think I wouldn't have arrested you? What if I did? What the fuck would you have done then?"   
"What the fuck would you have done without the man you're in love with?" he replied back, turning it on me. I scoffed, tears welling up in my eyes again. I threw my hands up, resting them on my head, as I tried to fight back the tears.   
"Jesus fucking Christ, Dexter, get the fuck out." He turned away, angrily, walking out and slamming the door shut behind him. I let the tears run once he left, letting myself fall to the floor, against the door. I sobbed out louder now, letting out a scream. I didn't want to hate him. I wanted the opposite. I thought I was getting the opposite, thought we were so perfect. Turns out, we're a lot more opposite than we think, but if that's true, why aren't the opposites attracting? 

**********

How Debra could say all those things, after everything, I don't have a clue. I walked out onto the beach, not far from her home, strolling along the shore, trying to figure all of this out. I didn't want Deb apart of this part of my life. I never wanted her to know, so why the fuck is that what she thinks. She's the biggest pain in my ass ever since she saw. So many times, so many times did the Dark Passenger want to just get rid of her like previous victims, but then Dexter comes in and reminds me how much I need her. I need her to stay connected, I need her if I'm slipping away, I need her to remember who I am. I sat in the sand, the wind blowing on my face, watching the horizon as the sun slowly set. It makes her sound like, a thing in my life, not a person. She was more than something to keep me grounded, she was someone I really needed. I did love Rita, but maybe that love wasn't what I felt for Deb. She is my whole world, and I'd do anything and everything to protect her. If she died, I'd never be the same. If I could ever have feelings for anyone, I'd have them for Deb. Those feelings may have been love my entire life, and I would've never known. I know I feel something, I know it feels different with her than it did with Rita, Lila, Lumen or Hannah, even. I thought I was in love with Hannah, but I put her in prison, for Deb. Is that what love is? When you're willing to do anything for someone? When you put who you think you might actually be in love with in jail, for someone you just dearly care about? I didn't think there was anything more with Deb. I have these stronger urges to be with Deb. I want her to always be with me, and I never want to see her with any man that wasn't me. Every time she picked up a new guy, I'd only think about thrusting a knife into their fucking heart, because she deserved so much more, so much better, someone like me. I want Deb, and I haven't shown her how much I love her. 

**********

It was close to eleven, and I'm still sitting here, thinking about why the hell I said what I did. I pushed away yet another important person in my life. I pushed away the only guy who really loved me, the only one I've ever felt anything around. It kills me to know I drove him away, just like I do everyone else. I heard a loud knocking on the door and jumped up, pissed, to go answer it.   
"Who the fuck is-" I said until I opened the door, seeing Dexter behind it. "Dex, sorry, I-" Before I could get out another word, his lips were pressed forcefully against mine. He brought a hand up into my hair and pulled my hips against his. He pushed his tongue past my lips into my mouth, and I moaned into his mouth. I savored his taste, wrapping my arms around his neck, bringing my body flush against his. He slid his hands down my sides to my thighs, grabbing them and picking me up, pressing me up against the wall. His mouth moved from my lips to attack my neck. He kissed, bit, and licked my neck. It was a feeling of pure pleasure, the things his mouth could do. It only made me want him somewhere else.   
"Ohh fuck, Dexter!" I moaned out to him. I felt his hands begin to move up my shirt, and I gasped out loudly as these little touches and grasps from him where enough to send me into complete ecstasy. He moved his mouth along my collarbone, then I tangled a hand into his hair, pulling his head up to look at me.   
"What is it, baby?" he asked me seductively. I smirked back at him, taking his mouth with mine.  
"Let's finish this is the bedroom." I whispered, a grin spreading across my lips. He smiled back, carrying me into my room, as I kept kissing him hungrily. He set me down gently on the bed to strip away his shirt and pants. I grabbed onto his shoulders, pulling him down on top of me. He pulled my shirt over my head and began pressing kisses down my body, lingering over my scar from the shooting. I moaned out, as he licked and kissed the scar.  
"Dex, oh my fucking god, please."   
"Tell me what you want." he said, his fingers hooked under the band of my shorts and panties. He was being a real fucking tease right now, and he knew how much I hated that.   
"I want your fucking mouth on me. Just, please." I answered as he pulled down the damn clothing. I felt myself shudder with pleasure thinking of what came next. I moved my hands to tangle into his hair. Desperate cries escaped my lips, and I couldn't think. He was giving me everything I wanted for so goddamn long. I couldn't process anything that was happening with the things he was doing to me with just his mouth. I felt his hands move under me, slinging my legs over his shoulders, then resting on the curve of my ass. "Oh my, oh, Dex! God, I-oh- I can't." He pulled away, working back up my body, as I tightened my legs around his waist.   
"Deb, are you-" I cut him off and  kissed the breath out of him.   
"Please, I want this more than you would ever fucking think. I love you." I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing our chests together, as he thrust into me.   
"Dex, oh god.." I cried out as his pace became faster and more pleasing.   
"Deb, you're so fucking beautiful." I pressed my lips back to his, my legs tightening around his waist, moaning out as he brought me over the edge. He collapsed on top of me with a grunt. I flipped us both, placing myself on top of him. I laid there, ghosting my fingertips along his chest. He wrapped his arms loosely around my back, and I wrapped mine around his neck.   
"I love you, Dex." I whispered softly. He placed his fingers under my chin, lifting my head and locking my lips with his.   
"I love you. I'm really sorry about what I said earlier." I laughed lightly at him.  
"Well, you're forgiven. I wasn't a ray of fucking sunshine either when it came to what I said to you. Sorry. You just made up for it." he smirked back, kissing me again and rolling us until I was underneath him. He was the one and only constantly good thing in my life. That would never change. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, next chapter should be up tomorrow and potentially the fourth, not sure yet though!


	3. I Made You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yes this is short and kind of blah, but I didn't know what else to actually do here. Next one is going to pick up, I promise!

"Deb, it's been weeks since I asked, and you still haven't even considered it?" he asked sweetly, as he held my hands in his. I bit my bottom lip, guilt pooled across my face. I was back to colorful blouses and blazers, jeans, thick belts, and man boots. He was in his usual colorful button-ups, khakis, and fucking hospital shoes. Everything has picked up in the previous weeks. I'm lieutenant again since Angel retired once I came back to the station, so he could run his restaurant full time. Everyone's moved on a little more from Laguerta, but her memory still lingers in the back of my head, with all the other bad choices I've made. It's steaks and beer with Dexter every night again, along with the added pleasure of our relationship. We could leave Harrison with Jaime for the night at least once or so a week for our own time, and now, our excuse was having to 'work late', when you could show up at my house and find us both in bed, naked, and 'cuddling'. It's our own kind of 'perfect'. We were leaned against a wall outside of Miami Metro, trying to keep the conversation private and our relationship hidden.  
"Look Dex, I don't know about is, I mean, how much do we really know about Vogel? Other than the fact that she knew dad and wrote the damn 'code', I really don't completely trust her." I replied, brushing a piece of hair from my face, putting it behind my ear, and he smiled at me.  
"She wants to help you, and I want us to move on from this mess. I want you to be happy and forget all the shit you've been through. You deserve so much better, and I want you to forget you ever saw 'me'." he said, emphasizing the me, meaning his Dark Passenger. "I want you to forget what you've done, because I know it's still killing you inside."  
"I know Dex, but, Eletro-Convoulsive Therapy? I don't know, I'm just afraid I'll forget more than intended. What if I, fuck, what if I didn't remember us?" He sighed, holding my hands tighter.   
"I'm going to make sure you don't forget that, alright? I just want you to forget Brian, Lundy, Anton, Laguerta, I want you to feel...free. Free of all this mess. Please, Deb." he pled. I sighed out, and stared at him in doubt.  
"Okay, okay. Shit, let's go talk to Vogel." His frown turned to a smile, and he wrapped his arms around me in a tight embrace. I hugged him back, burying my face into his neck. He eased out of the embrace, staring into my eyes. I stared back and pressed my lips to his. "Okay, fucker. Why are we just standing here? Let's go before I change my damn mind."   
He chuckled out, and we headed back into the station to find Vogel. I made him so happy that it scared me. He's completely changed, and he's the person I always thought he was. He was the man I knew I fell in love with. It scares the shit out of me to know that I could potentially walk out of this not remembering us. Whether Vogel a fucking genius or not, things can still go wrong. I don't want to forget it. Everything that's happened to me in my life has made me who I am. If I forget it all, what will I be? Dexter was always there to make it all better. If I forget, what happens? We made our way to where Vogel was working on another dead victim, piece of brain scooped out again.   
"Dexter and Debra Morgan." she said in her elegant, British accent. "What can I do for you?" I looked over at Dexter, regret in my eyes.   
"This..Eletro-Convoulsive Therapy, Shock Therapy, whatever the fuck you want to call it, I'd like to have it done." I replied to her, nervously. She crossed her arms, and smiled.  
"Excellent." she said, standing up to walk over toward us.  
"But, I need to know how much I'll forget." She stared back at me, as I waited for her to say something.   
"Only what you want, dear." 


	4. I Destroyed You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is now from Dexter POV for this chapter and the next..

"Dex, I don't, I don't know about this." Deb said woozy. The anesthesia started to kick in, making her fight to stay awake. This was the third time I've seen her in a hospital, but it still felt painful to see her here, even if this was to help. She was prepped and ready for the procedure, but as it neared, I began to worry more. What if she did forget us? What happens then? I may not lose her, but I'll be completely lost without this. I know what it feels like, for the first time, to actually love someone so strongly, you'd kill for them, innocent or guilty. You'd kill them even if they didn't abide by Harry's, well, Vogel's 'code'. She was more to me than ever now. If anything happens to her, Vogel's going to meet the monster she made.   
"Deb, I promise, I won't let anything happen to you." I answered reassuring her, and she laughed slightly.  
"You better not fucker. I'm putti, putting my life in your hands."  
"Your memory."  
"Shut th..fuck up." she replied, sarcastically. I chuckled, taking her hand in mine.   
"I love you, Deb." I said, softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Sleep now." She mumbled in response, squeezing my hand tighter, then I felt her hand fall limp in mine, as her eyes closed.   
"She'll be fine, Dexter." Vogel reassured me, as she began to prep Deb for the procedure to begin. I grabbed onto Vogel's arm, forcing her to then look at me until we were face to face.  
"If something happens to her, you'll meet your creation." I told her with anger and seriously. She looked as she had no fear in her eyes. She wasn't afraid of her monster. Her 'perfect gift' to the world.   
"Nothing will happen, Dexter." I let her arm go, feeling as though she didn't feel threatened by me. "You might want to wait outside." I obeyed her command and left the room, leaving Deb to her. I sat outside of the room, nervously tapping my foot away. This was so stressful, and Deb's words kept playing over and over in my head. She didn't want to do it. She was nervous about it, and it only made me worry even more as I kept thinking of it. Minutes, hours began to pass. All I could think was this could be a huge mistake.   
"What the hell are they doing?" I whispered to myself. I jumped up once I heard the door open. Vogel stood there, worry on her face. I swiftly walked over to her, shoving questions down her throat.   
"Did it work? Is Deb okay? What happened?" She stood there and looked up at me, her face changing from worry to expressionless.   
"You can see her now, Dexter." she responded, quietly, and in that moment, I knew something had to have gone wrong. I pushed Vogel out the way to get through to Deb. I ran over other, taking her hand, stroking her palm softly.  
"Deb, you okay?" I asked her, worriedly. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life like I am now. Deb's been through worse, almost losing her life, which would've left me..lost. There was so much at stake here though. I just risked losing what we had, something I never wanted her to forget. I'd never feel the same way about anyone if it wasn't Deb. She muffled a bit in her sleep, turning her head over to face me.   
"Hey Dex." she said weakly, as she smiled slightly.   
"Hey, hey." I sighed in relief, as I moved my hand up to stroke her cheek. "I'm glad you're alright."   
"Why the fuck are you being so damn affectionate?" she asked quietly, confused by my actions. I felt my heart stop in the midst of that moment, and I pulled my hand away.  
"Deb, wha...what do you mean?" I questioned her, eagerly awaiting an answer.  
"Well," she started, "you're my brother, and you've never fucking been like this before."   
"But, Deb you..what do you remember?!" I was actually afraid of what she were to say next. I felt as though this 'thing' inside was now letting my heart in, and I felt it shatter. This was exactly what Deb warned me about. I didn't listen, I didn't fucking listen, and now, I've ruined everything.   
"What the fuck are you talking about? You're scaring the shit out of me. I know you're my brother, and that I work at Miami Metro. The people there are Angel, Masuka, Angie, Quinn, and you. Laguerta passed away, and I'm lieutenant." I had to hold back the tears I felt coming. Tears. Broken heart. Deb was making feel all these things I've never felt before.   
"Deb, do you remember anything about us?" I asked, impatiently.   
"Dex, what the fuck am I supposed to remember!?" she shouted, quietly. I sighed again, upset with myself, with what I've done.   
"Nothing, I just, sorry. I'm glad you're okay. I'll be back." I left her confused and worried. I ran out toward Vogel, grabbing her by the arm and pressing her against the wall like I had done at our first greet.  
"Dexter."  
"Why the fuck does Deb not remember what we had? I thought I warned you." I asked, viciously.   
"Dexter, something went wro-"  
"Well CLEARLY! She doesn't remember, so what the hell went wrong?" I replied, angrily to hide the upset on my face, but I'm sure it didn't help. She sighed sadly, and I let her go.  
"I can't explain it. Something went wrong with how her brain reacted to the therapy. That's all I know, but everyone's brain has different effects from the treatment. Debra lost more than we intended."  
"Of course she fucking did!" I yelled, then sighed, pressing my fingers to my temple. "I'm sorry, I just.." I couldn't finish, as I had to choke back tears. "can I get her to remember?"  
"It's very unlikely, but.." she stopped as I began to walk off toward Deb's room. I sat down with her, holding her hand. I just lost everything, because I wanted her to forget. What has happened to her in her life, has made her who she is, it gave her a reason to be in love with me. Now, what's her reason? Have I destroyed another part of her life? A part that was me? 


	5. I Need You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dexter's POV again, the last chapter is going to be Debra's!

I brought Deb home the next day, and sent Harrison to go visit in Orlando just before Deb's therapy. I didn't want Jaime stuck with him twenty-four seven while I tried to figure out things with Deb. The car ride was long and awkward. I didn't know how I was supposed to tell her this, but I had to. I couldn't live without her in that way now. We got out the car and walked up to her house in silence. Once inside, she took a seat on the couch, patting the empty spot next to her. I shut the door and made my way toward her, just standing in front of her. I didn't want to do anything to set her off this idea anymore. She looked so beautiful, the way the sun hit the highlights in her hair, making it seem as though her tan skin glowed. This is exactly why I could never go back to just being her brother. I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about her like this.   
"Dex, what's wrong? Sit."   
"I can't, Deb. We really need to talk." I replied sadly.   
"I'm all ears, but only if you sit your ass down." she said, sarcastically, patting the couch again. I sighed in defeat, taking the spot next to her. I sat there, looking down at my hands. I was now in the position she was in months ago. The position of being in love with someone you know won't feel the same. I was in the midst of one of her great struggles, but now,  it was my own. "Dex."  
"Do you ever remember..." I swallowed, nervously, and let it out. "being in love with me?" Her eyes grew wide, and all she did was sit there, unknowing of what to say.   
"What?"   
"Before the treatment, you, you told me you were in love with me."  
"Dexter, I'm sorry, but that's so fucking sick and crazy. I mean, you're my brothe-"   
"But, Deb, it makes sense!" I shouted, cutting her off. She just stared back at me in disbelief.   
"Dex, I love you, but not in that way. Why the fuck would you think that?" she asked me, and we were both afraid of my response.   
"Because, I've been the one constantly good thing in your life. I've been the only one there for you. It makes sense for you to be in love with me."  
"Dexter, that's just-"  
"Deb, you have to try to remember! Please!" I pled out to her. She looked at me, upset, shocked, scared even. She was already scared of the monster she didn't even know existed.   
"Dexter, I don't know what the fuck you're on, but I suggest you get off it. I've never been in love with you." she replied.  
"We're only adopted."  
"Dexter, it doesn't fucking matter! I've NEVER been in love with you! All you do is push me away when I try to get into your head! You've never let me in. Why for fuck's sake would I be in love with someone who won't even tell me anything?" I stared at her, near tears, shocked about what she had said. I looked back down, burying my face into my hands to hide the tears that began to drip. I was actually crying. Something I thought I was never capable of. I thought I was never capable of feeling so strongly. It freaks me out that I can feel this way, feel so human, not monster. She's broken down my walls. She sighed upset and brought a hand to rest on my shoulder.   
"Dex, shit, I'm sorry, I just, it makes no sense. Are you crying?" I looked back up at her, even though my face showed evidence of my tears.   
"Deb, I just," I said, as I calmed down to talk, and I could see the tears well up in her eyes, "I want you to remember us, but you don't, you fucking don't. I'm sorry I did this to you. I ruined your life again. You were happy before this, I just, I wanted you to forget it all. You lost your memory of us, Deb. now I can't do a damn thing to help you." She stared back into my eyes, extending her arms out, embracing me. I wrapped my arms tightly around her, gripping her shirt, as I had done when Rita died.   
"I'm sorry, Dex." she said, sweetly. She was so beautiful, and she'd never know. She'd never know how much I loved her and cared about her. She is the best person anyone could ever have. Those men that hurt her before, they didn't deserve her. It made her feel like she was the problem. That she was the one who's broken, when I am. I ruined her. I turned her into what she thought was her own monster before this. I'm the problem, I'm what's wrong. I had to do this. I had to make her remember everything that happened to her. I had to make her remember who saved her from a kill table, wrapped in plastic, about to become her fiancé's and my brother's next victim. I had to make her remember who was therefor her when she was shot, losing Lundy and Anton the same day. I had to make her remember who was there when she thought she was falling. I had to make her remember who sent his lover to jail, so that she was safe and would never be hurt again. I had to make her remember who gave her her confidence and support. I had to tell her about her demons, that I wanted gone forever. That was going to be the hardest fucking thing to do to her. I pulled away to look at her. "Dex, I don't-"  
"Will you meet me just outside your house, by the shore, tonight?" I asked her, trying to make it not seem like a date.   
"Yeah. Yeah, I will. Dex, is there something I need to know?" she asked, worried.   
"I'll explain tonight. I gotta go." I told her, getting up with no sign of tears. I walked out the door shutting it behind me, leaving her. She was right. Her past has made her who she is, made her feel the way she feels. If she had never been through what she had, she'd never have been in love with me. Is this what our relationship needed? Dark pasts and demons? Not sunshine and frosty swirl? Maybe that what kept us grounded? They made it possible for any of this to happen. Serial killers and broken hearts. 


	6. I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Debra's POV, and the final chapter!

I didn't know what the fuck to think from what Dex had said. I wasn't even sure if I meant to say yes to seeing him tonight. Being in love with him? He's my brother, why the fuck would I think that? I didn't know what he meant when he said he was the one constantly good thing in my life. That we were the only constantly good things in each other's lives. I didn't understand. Goddamn it, I wish this hadn't happened. If I hadn't had that fucking ECT, I'd know what the hell is going on. I'd never seen him so upset to the point of tears in my life. He's never been one to be that way, because he was always the strong one. I never was until then. I was the one comforting him, not the other way around. I always thought that's the way it was with us. He got so emotional. He was so scared, and I didn't remember why he would be that scared. I tried so hard, so fucking hard to remember anything that I could to help me help him, but I got nothing. I didn't remember shit. I didn't remember out past, I didn't remember ever being in love with him. I can't even fathom the idea. I looked out the window, seeing it was now pitch black except for the moon, lighting up the blue water, the sand, and I saw Dexter, sitting in the sand, miles out by the water. I wanted to understand it all. I wanted him to be okay. I wanted us to be okay. I went to change into a pair of jean-shorts and a black tank top, throwing a red and navy plaid button-up over my shoulders, leaving my hair down. I walked out my house, shoeless, letting my feet feel the relaxation of the sand. I walked out toward Dexter and sat down next to him. He was staring out at the moon, thinking, it looked like.   
"Dex, I'm here. Now, I need to know why you were so upset earlier. I've never seen you like that." I asked him, worriedly. He looked over at me, upset.   
"Deb, what I'm about to do, I know you're going to absolutely hate me for. It gives what I tried to do for you no purpose, but you have to know, because these feelings I have for you...they're not going away. I can't fight or suppress them, and you'll only remember them if you remember your past. Do you remember Brian?"   
"Brian..who's-"  
"Deb, I know it's hard, but please, you have to try to remember! It was about six years ago. He was the first guy who you were ever happy with, and he was the first man to ask you to marry him." he cut me off, pleading for me to remember this. I thought, tried to think back, but nothing came to me, and I was fucking hating myself for it. He was so desperate, so upset, and I couldn't do a fucking thing to help. I felt the tears well up in my eyes, and I pulled my knees to my chest, like protection.  
"Dex, I'm sorry, I can't remember anything." I told him sadly. I saw him, heartbroken. It was written all over his face. "Dexter, I don't know what the fuc-"  
"He asked you to marry him, and you said yes. You met him out on a boat that same night, not telling anyone where you were going, and he ended up tying you up, only to lay you out on a table, wrapped in plastic. He lied to you about your whole relationship, lured you there so he could kill you." he told me, upset and scared of my reaction. I looked at him in disbelief, feeling the tears well up even more. It wasn't long before I would burst.  
"Wha...why did he do that?"   
"At that time, we were hunting down the Ice Truck Killer? Remember him?" he asked, softly.  
"Ye, yeah. He was some sick fuck who cut up hookers and wrapped their body pieces up like fucking christmas presents for us. Was he the Ice Truck Killer?"   
"Yes. He tried to make you his next victim." he replied, sadly. This was a part of my life I couldn't fucking remember, and it was the worst thing that probably happened to me. He tried to make me forget that.   
"How the hell am I still alive?"  
"I tracked him down and got there just in time to save you. He left me little clues and notes to find you, like it was some sick game. I followed them, and they led me to you." he answered, upset. I could see his eyes become watery then.  
"A game? Why the fuck did he do that to you?" I asked, frantic and upset. He sighed out, sadly, looking down, then back up at me.  
"Because he was my blood brother. He wanted me to kill with him, and you to be the first," he swallowed hard, "the first we killed, but I couldn't do that to you, and I killed him to save you."  
"Jesus fucking Christ, Dexter, you chose me over your blood brother. Why?"  
"Because I love you. I don't know what I'd do if you were gone. I'd be lost, wouldn't be able to function without you here. I have these feelings for you that I've never felt before for anyone. I didn't even feel as strongly for Rita as I do you. Do you remember now?" I stared at him, shocked, and let the tears run now, but all of a sudden, it happened. An epiphany. It all came together in that very moment.  
"Oh my fucking god." I cried out as everything came back to me. Brian trying to kill me. I remembered every damn detail about from what I was wearing to how much fucking plastic he used and where. I looked back over at him, and he took my hand in his.   
"You remember. What about Lundy?" he asked, quietly.   
"Lu, Lundy was shot in front of me and killed." I saw his face light up in hope as soon as he knew I remembered it all. It was all coming back. Fucking Lundy was shot. I was shot. I lost him and Anton. Dexter, he wasn't who I thought he was. "I lost him and Anton. I, I thought I was what's wrong. You put Hannah, the woman you were in love with, in jail, because she poisoned me, and I fucking walked in on you in the church to tell you.." I paused, having to take all this shit in, not realizing I was gripping onto his hand tighter, and the tears came harder. I remembered every damn thing about my life, and how he was the only there for me through it all.   
"You were in love with me." I kept crying and lunged at him, my arms keeping his neck prisoner. I felt his arms wrap around my waist, hugging me back with that same desperation. Did we need this fucking horrific past for us to even be possible?   
"Oh my god, Dex!" I screamed out in tears, as all the heartbreak became clear to me again. He was the only one there for me now. He was a goddamn serial killer, and I was more fucked up than he was. I killed Laguerta and went spiraling downward with Andrew, until he saved me from that. He saved me from my own monster. He made me feel safe, protected, when I was with him. I wanted more with him because of our past. I pulled away to look into his eyes and lifted a hand to stroke his cheek. "Are we really that fucked up? I mean, what kind of fucking life have we had?! I'm the broken one. I hurt myself and everyone who cares about me."   
"You're not broken, just bent. I'm the broken one." he replied, arms still wrapped around my waist.  
"Bullshit." I said, as I crushed my lips against his in a searing kiss. I would kill to feel this way, feel this intense passion that he felt for me, and I for him. I pulled back, leaning my forehead against his. "I remember everything."  
"So much for shock therapy. I wanted to help you, but I couldn't."  
"Dexter, I don't need help, I just need you, okay? That's all I'll ever need. I may have gone through a lot of trauma, but you've always been there when I needed help getting back on my feet. I don't want better or worse, I just want you. You're perfectly flawed, and that's perfect for me. You're all I'll ever need." He smiled at me, laying back and pulling me down with him.   
"I love you. I've never fucking felt that way, ever. Never said it this way, but you, Deb. I'm a whole other person when I'm with you. You make me feel decent and good for once. I want to murder every man who ever treated you bad. They didn't realize what they had. They had everything in the world with you, but they ever knew it. You never thought you were anything special, because you were getting treated horribly by them. I wanted to thrust a fucking knife into every one of their hearts for that. They never loved you like you deserved. You're so damn beautiful and perfect in every way." he said, as he pushed my hair behind my ear to see my face. I smiled slightly, staring down at him, stroking his stubble.   
"I can't believe you feel that way. God, I missed you this way. I love you." I said, a tear escaping, because what he said made me feel so damn happy. I pressed my lips back to his, letting myself collapse atop of him to feel his heat on me. I craved it. Needed it. Wanted it. I fucking loved him, no matter how broken we were. Our past made us feel this way for each other. Our demons made us attract, not fucking chemistry, not being opposites, but this. Our monsters made us who we are, made us realize we are far from perfect, but completely human. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are love! I enjoyed writing this, so I hope y'all liked! :)


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